These are just some of the thoughts that are always running thought my head on a weekly basis.  I have not felt secure in a job since I was in high school.  One point of interest is that I started college during the great recession and I don’t think it has helped me feel secure with a job at all. But it has also taught me that I need to get out of my bubble and start building some passive income. One of the main things that has helped me with this is helping my husband start his Business. This has really kicked my ass in gear.  Not only did starting his business change our finances. But it changed the way that I think about money again.

My historical relationship with money…

I have always thought about saving and making money. I started working when I was 12 and have loved earning money ever since. I loved being able to have the power to go bat shit crazy and buy a ton of books at Books a Million to feed my habit. But at the same time I was very thrifty. I would constantly pick up left over change and do whatever necessary to get stuff for free or super cheap. I have always hated paying full price and I still do. My favorite book from when I was 14 is the Tight Wad Gazette and I still have it highlighted and crossed referenced with sticky notes to this day. Needless to say I have a very strong relationship for money and am not afraid of working for it or squirreling it away.

But what I never did was invest in passive income possibilities.

o    Additional security

o    Flexibility for disasters (I.E. Job Loss, Home Repairs, ect)

o    Pay off debt faster with minimal effort

Correcting My Passive Income Failure

I have been making a big point at going beyond just looking into passive income.  (This again is one of my issues. I will do a TON of research into a subject, but lack the same dedication to the execution phase of making that subject happen.) I have actually made it a mission to have all my passive income opportunities start making me money instead of just being a hobby. This means that I am making some hard decisions, by evaluating what projects to let go and how to consolidate other life clutter projects to give myself the freedom to pursue a true passive income opportunity. I recently created an Udemy course to teach others how to handle school and work full time. This was a total passion project and I put a lot of love and my heart into it. Then it was launched. What I didn’t realize was that I needed to go through the udemy review process (totally my bad for not reading the fine print) and it has taken a bunch of rework to get the product out there. Now, the entire reason as to why I created this little bundle of love was to create some passive income in my life. I even got cocky enough to say that this was hard but totally worth it and started projecting that I could do about one a month to have a lot of possible income stream to be a good steward and practice what I preach.  But what I didn’t take into consideration was the amount of work and energy that I was putting into the project itself with no financial return. This doesn’t even include the time that I didn’t spend marketing the product to my list and post it on other forums and services. Some that I thought I could complete in two weeks has taken me over two months to get where I want to be. (This is not including any rework that I have to do to continue to make the project its best).

This caused me to take a step back and really look at this model in a new light.  Did I love the product that I created? Hell Yeah.  Did I feel I would be able to help others with my knowledge and tips? Yup.   Did I want to do this again in the near future? Dear God NO.

I needed to get over my guilt that I was not creating passive income with this particular method and actually look at my return on investment. For me, this meant that I was not practicing what I have preached in life and on this blog. I want to bring in passive income, in a product that I can proudly stand behind and have it help me accomplish the items I listed above.  I also wanted to spend more time with my family. This was not the current vehicle for me to do this. What I was getting in return was creating a project and walling myself off from others in the HOPE that I would be able to make some money from it.  I was not spending time with my family or friends in accomplishing this project. I was spending even more time away from them. I was not doing something that was bringing joy into my life. I actually hated the editing process and have learned that next time I  will hire an assistant to do the slides and clean up the audio and combine both items for me.  That way I can focus on my strengths and leverage others on theirs as well.

So where does this leave me?

This left me in a tough spot again. I wanted to have a passive income project. I didn’t like my current options, so I went passive income dating. I basically make a call out to the universe and said I want a passive income project that I can be proud of and make money. I also made sure to start evaluating a bunch of other opportunities that people I know are doing. I was ruthless. If it didn’t have a recurring income model it was out. If it required me to sell something I didn’t believe in I didn’t even consider it.  My biggest filter was could I see myself doing this long term?  That is the entire point. I want to transition one day to the passion project and have that become the bigger part of my day.

Then I stumbled onto a program that fit all those needs after two months of obsessive looking and googling. When this came about I was skeptical and kept waiting for the other shoe to drop. But it totally rocked everything on my check list and best of all, IT FELT RIGHT. The biggest obstacle and still is the startup cost. Its $700 that I have to come up with.

Then I had a light bulb moment. I am already focusing on reducing life clutter to dedicate time to my passive income project. Why not sell some of that clutter at the same time. For me clutter is both a physical and mental obstacle and that needed to be corrected. So I did some digging and found out that my local flea market does garage sale weekend days for $5. This is perfect. I can get rid of things that no longer have any true value in my life, reduce clutter, raise money for the startup fee and hone my selling skills.  The first yard sale is coming up this weekend and I am pumped. Will I make all the money I need in one swoop? I don’t know. But at least I’m “praying while moving my feet and getting my ass in gear”.

So my newest project is to reduce clutter and raise money.  Once I have the money raised and have actually enrolled in the company I will tell you more about them and my journey. I just wanted to share this critical step with you. It has made me look at things in a new light and has helped simplify my desire.

I am not ashamed to say I want to pay off my debt by selling products to others. I am not ashamed to say I want to work for myself one day. I am not ashamed to change my hustle plan after crashing and burning because it doesn’t support my long term desires.

All this is coming from a place of self-love. I know that my husband loves and supports whatever I do and that he has my back. (I’m actually writing this on his birthday, which might be why this post is extra warm and sappy).  What I needed to do was love my self-enough to know that I was heading down the wrong path. I have been working and busting my ass to get better jobs and make more money since I was 17. I love sharing what I have learned and how I moved up the corporate ladder. What I didn’t love was that all of this was not helping me get to my destination.

I want to have babies and spend as much time with Ben as possible.

What I was doing just wasn’t going to get me there. I kept thinking that if I just moved up enough and got better paying jobs, Ben and I could pay off our debt in one fell swoop and then “life aka babies” could happen. It hurt to realize that it just wasn’t going to work out this way and my plan was not going to get me there.

Am I pinning a lot on the new passive income project? Maybe.  Will it take a lot of work to get to the place I want it to be at. Definitely. Am I proud of myself for loving myself enough to make the switch? YES.

If you take anything away from this remember this.  Plans can change and it’s ok. You can live the life you want. Have courage, faith, and strong partner to help you when you fall. Fall in love with the journey and always check in to see if you are still going in the wright direction. It’s better to correct and have to do some rework, then to never have corrected and regret the years that have gone by.