One of my core desire feeling is peace. I wish I could convey how much that word means to me and how I feel that I am always chasing this elusive feeling. This became a big issue because I started to feel that peace is too elusive and that’s when I knew I needed to make a change. It took a while to realize that I need to get rid of other peoples emotional baggage and stop worrying about completely useless things that I cant control. When I do this I can then start consistently reach this feeling I coveted so much. Some background on me. I have always wanted to spend a lot of time alone and didn’t like socializing that much with others. I always believed that this was because I was an introvert. But what I realized over the years was that I always was talking on others emotional baggage and problems as if they were my own! This happened wither the person wanted my help or not. I would have a conversation with someone and it was as if their concerns and issues went home with me. I would always complain of being weighed down and had so much on my plate. But in reality I was taking on other peoples issues and feeling the emotions that they were feeling. The scary part was that there problems could be completely unrelated to my life and I would still leave a conversation feeling heavy and exhausted. I almost felt that I was taking on their issues and they would leave the conversation feeling lighter. I was an emotional baggage sponge.

The only thing that stopped this was when my life was bursting to the seems with oblations that I felt I had a calm within the storm. It was as if I could only feel peace when busy. In reality it was because I had so much on my plate that I didn’t really give anyone else the opportunity to engage in a emotional baggage dumping with me. My friends didn’t complain about the crap going on in the life, but instead we would go over strategies how to accomplish so much in a short amount of time. But then I graduated from college and I had no buffer and boy oh boy did that emotional baggage come crashing back at me. I started taking on other peoples issues and feelings. If a coworker was having a bad day, I had a bad day. If they ate like crap, so did I.

And the worst part of it all was that I was doing this with out realizing it! I would go home from work and tell Ben about my day and I would be complaining about everyone else’s issues!. Then Ben would ask me how my day was and what I specifically did and It was a completely different mindset. I would tell him that I had a great day and accomplished a bunch of stuff. This would lead to the weird face and questioning why I had a bad day then. (Emotional baggage strikes again). He was nice enough to point out that just because others had a bad day didn’t mean that I needed to have a bad day as well. That’s when I knew I needed to put in some strategies to stop this behavior.

When you are making a conscious decision to change how you talk with others it shows.  Instead of just dumping your issues on your friends and family, change the conversation.  Ask them for advice or help with something that is really bothering you instead of just dumping your issues on them.  EX: Hey “Friend”.  Im struggling to balance my  (enter obligations here). Do you have any suggestions. Instead of ” Hey “Friend”. Omg I have so much going on! (Dump issues here). Thanks for listening, Bye!. The first sentence is using your time wisely to get feedback and use it as an opportunity to grow and fix your issue. The second is just dumping your emotional baggage on others. The second, no bueno!

There is only so much you can control when dealing with others. But you can set the ground rules of how people talk with you! If someone is emotional baggage dumping on you, you can change the conversation. If that doesn’t work be honest and use this phrase. “Friend”, I really appreciate that you trust me enough to tell me about your life. But I feel that all we are doing is complaining and not moving toward solving our issues.  I know that you want to stop feeling that way and I do too. Why don’t we try to solve our issues, instead of just com pain about them, preferably over a great glass of wine!”  This simple sentence above can change how people talk to you. It set boundaries that you don’t want to bitch about emotional issues, but instead solve them to feel better. It also puts the idea out there that you are looking to improve and grow by solving your issues and theirs as well. Its a win win for everyone.

This solves a bunch of issues. The biggest being that you will no longer be an emotional baggage dumping ground. This also lets you help others and build a deeper friendship by resolving issues together. And lastly, for me it helped me gain the peace I craved.

Tell me in the comments below how you deal with emotional baggage.