For years I was a people pleaser. I always said yes to everything. Each errands someone wanted me to do. Each party that someone wanted me to go to. Each myth that was passed down to me about how wealth and health are integrated. I showed up and said yes without even thinking about it.

But then I noticed that I kept hitting the same self-imposed glass ceiling over and over again. The women that I was watching grow and become more successful and happy each year were all getting on the no train. They said no to events that didn’t light them up. They didn’t go out to a friend for a party of they were tired. They were so honest about what they wanted and if something wasn’t a good fit. They just said no. So after freaking out for the millionth time because I was super overwhelmed if figured that I would start saying no too.

Here are my top 3 battle-tested ways to learn how to say no in a loving way.

1) Say yes to everyone is a way to stay small.

When we are saying yes to everyone it’s a way to stay small. We are using it as a way to escape and not face our fears. We are using it as a way to feel important and not get stuff done on our checklist. ” if only I had enough time, I would write that book, but I have another PTA meeting to go to. Instead of saying no to that PTA meeting that you hate and working on your book.

2) Saying no doesn’t mean you need to give them a reason

Here is my favorite phrase I use when saying no. I appreciate the ” offer” but I’m going to pass. Thank you so much for thinking of me, but my schedule is booked. No thanks.

I thought for years that when I said no, I had to give a reason. Which was totally retarded. It came back to being a people pleaser and thinking that if everyone liked me that I would get that better job or bigger client. Instead, I ended up being a frazzled hollow out mess that was just ok. There was not enough of my personality coming out because there was never any time. I literally backed myself and schedule into a corner to make everyone else happy.

3) If it doesn’t light you up. for the love of all that’s holy, say no!!!!

Unless it feels like you just got an extra $5,000 deposit in your bank account, say no… Saying yes should make you light up. It should make you feel excited. It should make you glow. I love using the phrase, if it doesn’t light you up like a Christmas tree, then say no. If you have to think about it say no. Saying no is a way, to be honest with the person asking too versus stringing them along.

Now I want to hear from you. Tell me in the comments below 3 things that you will start saying no to.