Have you ever gotten into an argument with your husband in the middle of a grocery store or worst, at a familyfunction? If you have, then your definitely not alone. But there are definitely are better ways to arguing then what you are doing now. There also is the key factor that you might not have realized. Where you argue impacts your results. You may be thinking yeah right, I don’t see how arguing in a different location is going to give me a better result. But I would challenge you to answer a few questions below to see if you are arguing in the right location before dismissing the rest of this article.
Ok, so if you got anything below a 90% you can definitely benefit from the rest of the info in the article below. First off, you should know that this is one the biggest topics that gets over looked in a marriage, even though it has the biggest impact in a marriage. Learning how to argue the right way and doing so in the right location can add huge benefits to your marriage.
Location, location, location. Lets get one thing out-of-the-way. You should know that where you argue is just as important as how you argue. Now I have covered how to argue in previous blog post so in this one i am going to primary focus on where to argue.
Your home…. and nowhere else
Yes, i truly do mean it. You should not argue anywhere else but your home. Why argue in your home when you might be thinking that this is not realistic? Here me out for a minute. If you are arguing anywhere else but you home, then you are letting other people into your private business and that is a huge mistake that needs to be corrected asap. When you are arguing with your husband, you both need the freedom to express your emotions and opinions with out the worry that anyone else can over hear you. I can guarantee that you are going to react differently to what ever is being said in public versus in the privacy of your own home. its human nature and everyone does it. I learned thishard lesson when I was told that I am really mean when I argue with someone. Like super evil, but if I am arguing with Ben, it will involve a lot of crying, hand waving and runny noses because thats how i process emotions, but only with him. But i can guarantee you that you will never see me cry in an argument outside of my house. I don’t care what it is, i automatically put up a wall that no one can get through.
The other big point to why you should argue in your home is that you both need to feel safe to express why you are arguing in the first place. Not every argument is bad. Yes, that is a true statement. Instead you should look at an argument as a way to discuss why you don’t have a common ground on a certain topic and create on from the result of the argument. The only time i believe that an argument is bad is when both parties are not using it as an opportunity to learn something and grow. Again, you need to feel safe to do this and what better place than in you home to feel safe in. This way you can cry and talk it out to your heart’s content and not feel silly or embarrassed for doing something that comes naturally to you. You also would be surprised as to what actually comes out of your mouth and what you can discover about you self when you are coming from a place of love and willingness instead of a reactionary place.
The third point is that no one ever wants to hear you two argue in front of them. Its super tacky and most of the time makes everyone around you feel uncomfortable. Now you may have a living situation that you have people staying with you for an extended amount of time. If that is the case then move the argument into a bedroom and shut the door. Your kids and other friends and family members should never hear you hash it out in front of them. It can scar your children for life, trust me i know. I use to have certain family members argue in front of me as a kid, and the result is that any time i hear people arguing near me i start to shake and i cant control it. This may not happen to your kids, but at the same time it’s not their obligation to hear you too talk about something that doesn’t need their involvement. If there are any adults around you, then it will bring the mood of the room down. It also makes people not want to socialize with you. You can become a loose cannon in their eyes and totally ruin an event or familyfunction when people just want to have fun.
So, your finally convinced that there is a proper place to argue and you agree that its your home. Now how to stop an argument mid stride before it gets out of hand. If you can, calmly pull your husband to the side and tell him that this is something that you would rather discuss at home instead of around other people. If that is not the case, laugh it off and make some witty remark about him always knowing best, while giving him the this topic is not done eyes. Then pull him aside and tell him you rather talk about this at home, and then try to go back to enjoying the event.
After both of you learning that any future arguments are better done at home, you will naturally start to only have those arguments at home. Which then leads to discussions since you have not only learned how to argue, but also how to bring up and resolve uncomfortable topics. Which eventually will lead to just having uncomfortable conversations every once in a while and you being known as that magical couple that never argues. It’s not that you don’t have disagreements, but that you both have taken the time and patience to learn how to be loving and responsive while talking about something you don’t agree on. The next stage would be to teach someone else how to do this and pass on the knowledge you have learned from trial and error.
Comment below what steps you are taking to argue better.
