I don’t like waking up to a dirty house. When I say that I REALLY REALLY   REALLY hate it! So that means regardless of how tired I am, each night before I got to be I make sure that everything is put away before I can sleep. I have tried to just go to bed and worry about it tomorrow, but then I can’t sleep. I will toss and turn until I just “give up” and get up and do the cleaning I should have done. I end up feeling much better about doing this each night and can actually focus on spending time with Ben instead of thinking about the laundry that is sitting in the dryer.

When Ben and I come home we take our things and put it all on our dining room table. It drives me insane to leave things sitting where they don’t belong for a long period of time. So we have come to the conclusion, through trial and error, that it doesn’t matter that things get placed on the dining room table, as long as everything is put away before the end of the night. This also helps both of us to make sure that we process the things of the day. This means putting the bills in the right spot and not all over the house. Also, making sure that lunch boxes and travel cups get put in the kitchen to get cleaned and ready for the next day.

Talk about how you are going to handle chores. We all know that what works for one person won’t work for everyone. You really need to work hard to find the rhythm that fits your lifestyles. In my household, I do most of the chores. But this works for us because it’s my therapy. I am one of those sickening people that love to clean, cook and tend to the home. We have a running joke that I should have been born in the 1950’s since my dream is become a full time housewife when I grow up. One thing to keep in mind is that this will never be a fair split. One of my best friends, Heather, told me this when Ben and I had been married for around six months. Both parties need to be ok with one person having more responsibility for the home then the other. If both of you cannot come to this understanding in the beginning and be ok with it in your heart of hearts, then it will cause fights and resentment. ITS NOT WORTH IT! It’s better to talk and agree with what person is going to be responsible for what beforehand so that a fight does not start when one person is feeling overwhelmed.

This is one of the toughest things to understand. I can say that it really takes time to see what your relationships rhythm says is ok. When I say time apart, I don’t mean vacations and extra activities only. I mean how much time are both of you comfortable with spending time with others and not just the two of you. This will vary depending on your work, school, children’s and general life schedule. But I want to point this out because both parties need to have a “limit” to how much non exclusive time is ok. This might mean that once a week there is date night with just the two of you and that means no cell phones or other distracting devices are aloud. Or it can mean that each night before bed you both take the time to make sure that you spend quality time together and not just time watching tv in bed together. This is one of the biggest things to keep an eye on and constantly communicate about. There have been times in the past for both Ben and I that we were so busy with work, school and our outstanding obligations that we didn’t have a “date night” for a few weeks. But that didn’t stop us from spending time together. We would make the extra effort to talk during our lunch hours, or before we went to bed that night, regardless of how tired we were. It helps keep the strong relationship going. It also makes both people better persons overall. You starting living together because you love each other. Making sure to get time with your partner like you did when dating will be one of the reasons that makes you constantly remember why you fell head over heels for each other in the first place.