What if I told you there was one tip that could make or break your marriage? That this tip is so important it could cut down divorce rates and generally take happy marriages and turn then into amazing marriages. Would you want to know what it was?
Well, its super easy and best of all its also free. Learn to communicate with your husband.
If there was one tip that I had to use for the rest of my life, it would be learning how to communicate even better with my husband on a daily basis. It’s one of the things that honestly is one of the hardest to do, but it has the best results. This may seem like a super easy thing to do and you may be wondering what the catch is. But what im telling you is literally one of the biggest make or breaks in a marriage that i have ever come across after talking to hundreds of women.
You may be thinking, well that great Margaret, but I already communicate with my husband. Tell me something that will help me get him to pick up his socks. My response to you would be that yes, you have been talking to your husband, but you havnt been communicating with him. At the end of the day, if you can’t communicate effectively with your husband, it doesn’t matter how much you are talking to each other since your not on the same page. Its super easy to joke that husbands are from a far distant land and they dont understand what we go through to keep the house running. To be honest, your husband probably doesn’t truly understand what is on your plate and how many things you have to juggle to keep the house running smoothly. But learning how to communicate is an art and only the two of you are going to understand how to do that dance since its unique for each couple which also can end up with nice side benefits like a cleaner home. If something is bothering you, you need to figure out a way to talk to each other about it.
Dont say this. Im stressed about our bills.
Instead say this. I’m scared and overwhelmed about the amount of debt that we have accumulated and I don’t know how we’re going to pay this all off.
This is a perfect example of a great conversation to have with your husband. It also helps you break down a couple of key things than that statement above, especially since its very specific. One thing that i have learned is that you can never be too specific. The first thing that is amazing is that you’re telling your husband exactly what is bothering you and not some random statement. For example, do you mean that you are worried your not making enough money to pay the bills and save for retirement at the same time? What is making you feel overwhelmed? Is it your bill paying process and could that be improved by using an excel spreadsheet that calculates everything for you? Is it that you feel its going to take longer then expected to pay off the debt? If so, what time frame would you want to pay the debt off instead and is that realistic. Do you feel that you need outside help to get your debt under control? Its taking the problem and breaking it down into manageable chunks.
The example above is the difference between communicating with your husband and just talking to him. One thing that you should keep in mind when learning to communicate is that he wants an action item to fix. The reason why i know this is because that is exactly what ben told me. He said honey, i know that your stressed, but i cant fix stress, but i can fix our income by getting a better paying job. I can fix finances by helping you plan how to pay off debt faster. I can fix the time it takes to pay bills by making sure all the mail is in one spot on your desk instead of just lying around the house. You get my point. He has action items that he can work with, and you might get a cleaner house in the process.
For you, your going to have to teach him how to tell you why he feels the way he does. He may tell you that he hates a certain coworker. Instead of letting the conversation end there, ask him why he feels that way. Is it that he feels that the other employee is not valuing his opinion? Is it that the other coworker is trying to take credit for your husband work and its bothering him? Get him to open up and break the issue down to a specific point or as specific as possible. While making sure to ask for examples. The examples are going to help you pin down if it was just a one time issue or if there is a pattern that needs to be fixed. I always ask for an example and then just shut up. Dont interrupt him, but you can ask a few clarification questions while he is talking.
Being able to pin point what the problem is will be extremely helpful in the long run. This means that you both can have an intelligent conversation after you figure out the pain point and to be honest its a lot easier to do this after you have had a few conversations like the one above.
Making this a part of your normal conversation will also help you both get things done quicker. Instead of focusing on the issue you are focusing on creating the solution. Which trickles into other areas of your life. You find yourself doing the same thing at work, which make you more valuable to you boss. You find that you help customers get to the root of their problem faster, which in turn helps you get better reviews or feedback from your customers. You’ll find yourself doing this with coworkers, which means that everyone is going to want to come to you for advice, because you listen and help them come up with a solution at the same time. Which ends up as a win win for everyone that you talk to.
